I, like many girls, have always fancied myself to be somewhat of a Carrie Bradshaw.

I’m a writer. I don’t just write, but I write about situations that happen in my life. I have a shoe and purse collection to envy. I’ve written for magazines. I have a point of view, and I’m not afraid to share it. I left a small town to move to a big city. And speaking of Big, I thought I had met mine.

Last night I was driving home from Las Vegas, and somewhere around hour four of the drive my mind started to wander from the fabulous new yellow Cole Haan heels I purchased to … what else, a man. And the thing is it actually made me angry.

I’ve spent more hours than I could ever estimate thinking about a man, trying to get the right man, trying to keep the right man, doing everything I can for a man, learning hobbies my man liked, doing my best to impress my man’s friends and family, trying to remember what you don’t say to a man … and what you do. If you added up all of the hours, days … years I’ve spent thinking about men, well, it would be like an episode of “The Biggest Loser.” You know how they will take all the cheese a contestant eats in a year and pile it up with a bulldozer to show the shock and awe factor of it all? I would be shocked and awed if you could somehow visualize the hours I’ve spent agonizing, dreaming, loving, stressing and thinking about men.

I had a serious relationship for five years that started when I was in high school and lasted through the majority of college. Then, I had another relationship that was my first stab at something I said I’d never do again — long distance. Guess how that one ended? (Though, I must say, both of those guys were never right for me, and in the long run I’m so lucky I never ended up with them.) Then I dated a lot of guys. After two serious relationships I simply didn’t want to settle down with one guy. I was fatigued from it all.

Then a certain someone came into my life at the most unexpected time and blew me away. But I’ll keep that relationship to myself, though I will say, sadly, that one, too, is over.

Anyway, fast-forward to last night. I was driving home and thinking about the fact that my mind has been guy-centric since I was 17 years old. You can’t blame a girl. After all, all you have to do is turn on a movie, walk down the beach, go to a coffee shop, listen to the radio, etc., and you see that love (and a lack of it) is what makes the world go round.

While I was driving I remembered a pledge former I Want Her Job leading lady Abiola Abrams made after her stint on VH-1′s “Tough Love.” At one point she realized that she had not been single for more than three months since she was 15. So, what did she do? She dated herself for a year to live purposefully single. She still went on dates, but nothing got serious, and her main focus was always herself.

I’ll be honest. When I first read the idea I was thinking, “Good for you, but that’s something I would never do.” Well, heartbreak does some funny things, and now I’m making that same pledge to myself.

A friend of mine who is in an idyllic relationship told me that she wishes she had the freedom I did — to focus on her career, to travel, to move where her career takes her, etc. I told her she was crazy, because she has what every girl wants — a loyal, loving, gorgeous, attentive guy who would do anything for her. I’ll admit, I don’t totally understand her point of view, but I get one part of it. If you never get a chance to *really* get to know yourself, do you one day regret that you never did?

So, today I am done being selfless for men. I’ve done it for nine years, and it’s time to be selfish and only think of me when it comes to matters of the heart.

This next year I’m going to solely focus on my family, my friendships, my career, my clients and team at WDCW, I Want Her Job, attending NASCAR events, getting to know that industry inside and out, and writing. I’m going to put those I love (though not anyone romantically) and me first.

Maybe I’m crazy, but I’m more than a little excited to see where I am next year at this time …

“And high up above or down below,
When you’re too in love to let it go,
But if you never try you’ll never know,
Just what you’re worth.”
-Coldplay

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